


Cpt. Rogers Conspiracies 101

by thecommodore_squid (orphan_account)



Series: A Historical Relic and a History Professor Walk into a Bar- [5]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: #Debunked, Bucky's Lectures Would Be So Lit, Cap Steve, Captain America Steve Rogers/Modern Bucky Barnes, Conspiracy Theories, M/M, Professor barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-10-16 22:55:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10581201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/thecommodore_squid
Summary: "Captain Rogers is a strategic genius, make no mistake. But that doesn’t mean he has to know how to navigate interviews or how to use Google.”“Does he?” another student asked.Bucky smiled. “Yes.” He looked over the room. “On that note, you’re free to go. We can talk more about Steve Rogers Conspiracy Theories next time.”AKAIn which Steve debunks the major Captain America conspiracy theories for Bucky's class.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Guess which series is back from the dead lmao.
> 
> As always, all mistakes are my own. Comments and kudos are always appreciated.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

As Bucky started wrapping up his lecture for the day, a kid in the safe middle section of the room raised his hand. Bucky finished his thought and gestured for him to speak.

 

“I don’t think Rogers was acting alone,” the kid said confidently.

 

Bucky propped himself up on his podium, leaning forward neutrally. “What makes you think that?”

 

“These plans were much too elaborate for one man. And I know we _say_ that he’s a genius or whatever, I don’t see it.”

 

Bucky’s eyebrows shot up. “Huh,” he said.

 

“I mean, did you _see_ his latest interview?”

 

“Ah, yes,” Bucky said, straightening. He’d been waiting for someone to mention that. “Captain Rogers’ latest interview. Let’s take a look at that, actually.”

 

Bucky switched over from his PowerPoint to his browser, pulling up the video.

 

“Watch closely,” he said.

 

“We’re coming to you with an exclusive interview with Captain America,” some Buzzfeed lady said. Steve had told Bucky her name, but he’d forgotten. “And we can finally get to the _important_ questions.”

 

The camera switched perspective to look at Steve in his dorky blue button-down, and he smiled a bland but disarming smile. “Glad to be here.”

 

“I’m sure,” Buzzfeed Lady said. “We’d like to ask you about the latest battle the Avengers had.”

 

“Rio?” Steve asked politely.

 

“Yes.”

 

Steve nodded. “Ask away.”

 

“As I’m sure you know, this picture has recently gone viral.”

 

Bucky could see the light in Steve’s eyes die as he took in the picture, which showcased Captain America beginning to peel out of his uniform just before entering the quinjet, showing the world a glimpse of his muscular back.

 

Bucky could advocate for the muscles on his back. He could advocate very well.

 

But that didn’t mean his heart didn’t break a little bit as Steve smoothed over another bland expression. “Of course,” he said, flashing a feelingless smile.

 

From what Steve had told him, he’d gone into the interview under the impression that they were talking about the battle. Which, in a roundabout way, they were.

 

Buzzfeed Lady smiled at him. “Why the sudden decision to strip?” she asked playfully. Bucky resisted the urge to roll his eyes for the millionth time.

 

Steve laughed, and only Bucky recognized the thin note of discomfort in it. “It distracted the aliens pretty thoroughly,” he deadpanned, and this was where Steve’s problem was. Very few people recognized the sarcasm because Steve was so rarely sarcastic in his public persona.

 

“Oh?”

 

“Totally. Half my strategy is to dazzle my enemy with my abs.”

 

Bucky paused the interview. “Anybody see the problem in Mr. Thompson’s reasoning?”

 

“He was being sarcastic, dude,” the student behind Thompson said, whacking him on the head. “He’s too smart to be answering questions about his muscles.”

 

“Exactly,” Bucky said. “It’s difficult to tell, but I’d caution against passing judgment over someone by their interviews. Plus, some people can be idiots in some areas and geniuses in other areas.”

 

“Like Ben Carson,” another student said.

 

“Right,” Bucky agreed. “A massive idiot when it comes to politics, but one of the best doctors out there. Captain Rogers is a strategic genius, make no mistake. But that doesn’t mean he has to know how to navigate interviews or how to use Google.”

 

“Does he?” another student asked.

 

Bucky smiled. “Yes.” He looked over the room. “On that note, you’re free to go. We can talk more about Steve Rogers Conspiracy Theories next time.”

 

Bucky powered off his laptop and checked his phone.

 

STEVE: Food for dinner? :)

 

BUCKY: i liek the way u think babe

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Wanna come into my class tomorrow?” Bucky asked casually as Steve paged through _Home_. He was working through all of Toni Morrison’s stuff because it was all sheer genius, according to Steve.

 

Steve glanced over at Bucky. “What’s the topic?”

 

Bucky grinned. “Conspiracy theories about you.”

 

Steve laughed. “I don’t know many of those.”

 

“No, I know. You’ll be there to debunk them. I’ll get you a microphone, and you can just lean forward and say, ‘Wrooong,’ before I finish talking.”

 

Steve snorted. It’d taken a while for him to be able to laugh at Trump jokes, but as the situation kept degenerating, Steve had begun to rely on his amazing morbid sense of humor more and more. “Sure,” he said. “I got nothin’ better to do.”

 

Bucky stuck his toes under Steve’s leg, grinning. “I love you.”

 

Steve rolled his eyes, but he was smiling too. “You only want me for my looks.”

 

Bucky hummed. “Certainly not for your brains,” he said.

 

Steve returned to his book with the ghost of a smile on his lips. He grabbed Bucky’s hand, and Bucky tamped down the urge to complain that he wouldn’t be able to do anything with his other hand because his other hand had been vaporized by aliens. Instead, he painstakingly changed the TV channel with his toe and pretended to be angry when Steve laughed at him under his breath.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“On this special edition day of class, we’ll be going through a real-live episode of Mythbusters,” Bucky announced, walking into the lecture hall as dramatically as he could.

 

A murmur of excitement went through his students.

 

“That’s right,” Bucky said, grinning. “Introducing our very own buster of myths, Steve Rogers!”

 

Steve walked into the lecture hall with his soldier’s gait, and even though Bucky had seen him spill yogurt all over his shirt this morning, he forgot that this man could be anything but really authoritatively hot. A cheer resounded, and Bucky allowed a moment to appreciate his own genius in today’s lesson before Steve joined him up front.

 

“Now,” Bucky said. “Let’s talk about conspiracy theories.”

 

He pulled up his PowerPoint, which he’d had way too much fun putting together.

 

“The most prevalent conspiracy of the decade,” Bucky declared. “This,” he gestured towards Steve grandly, “is not the original Steve Rogers but a modern replacement.”

 

Steve raised his hand. “Not true.”

 

Bucky whirled on him, aghast. “That sounds like something a _modern replacement_ would say!”

 

The class laughed, and Bucky spared a second to think about how much he loved his job.

 

“Let’s look at the theory more closely. It all stems from the common disbelief that someone could survive that plane crash and being frozen for nearly seven decades. Captain Rogers?”

 

Steve squared his shoulders. “I was once shot point-blank in the chest and healed up in a week. So the serum is fairly unstoppable. Plus, I’ve been told that the conditions to freeze me were similar to some sort of suspended animation research that’s going on at MIT right now.”

 

“So, the science is possible,” Bucky said. “Any lingering doubts from the peanut gallery?”

 

“Did the plane explode when you crashed?” a student asked.

 

Steve shook his head. “No. It kind of sliced right through the ice.”

 

“How many times did you wake up during the thawing treatment?” another student asked.

 

Steve went very still. “Three times,” he said quietly. “I don’t remember it much.”

 

This was a story that Bucky hadn’t heard, and he’d _definitely_ be asking Steve about it later.

 

A student raised her hand and said, “Your fighting technique is different in this century. I think that’s why most people doubt you’re you. Can you explain that?”

 

Steve’s eyes lit up. “Actually, yeah. The government is highly against me carrying guns in this century, so I had to rework my technique from a multi-faceted sort of thing into something more one-dimensional. It made me worse, so a friend helped me get a lot better at hand-to-hand. I didn’t have much formal training before and during the war. I kind of learned as we went along.”

 

“Cool,” the student said.

 

“Next conspiracy theory,” Bucky announced after nobody else raised their hands. “Steve Rogers was not the only supersoldier during World War II.”

 

“Not counting Schmidt?” Steve asked wryly.

 

“Duh,” Bucky said.

 

“Well, there were times where the Howlies sure _felt_ like supersoldiers,” Steve joked. “They were fuckin’ indestructible.” He glanced at Bucky. “Am I allowed to curse?”

 

“Yes,” Bucky laughed.

 

“Great. But as far as I know, I was the only one.”

 

“There was speculation about Margaret Carter,” a student said, looking up from his laptop.

 

Steve’s expression shuttered. Still a highly volatile subject. “No,” he said softly.

 

Of course, Bucky knew that was a load of bullshit. Peggy and Angie had been over for dinner last week. But that didn’t mean that everyone else could know, and it didn’t mean Steve still didn’t feel like shit over the whole fucked-up situation.

 

Steve cleared his throat. “And there were, of course, other attempts at supersoldiers. Much less successful, as our good friend, the Hulk, indicates. But after Erskine died, there would be no one else like me.”

 

“Third conspiracy theory,” Bucky declared. “Steve Rogers is a Hydra agent.”

 

Steve looked at Bucky sharply. “ _What_?” He looked deeply betrayed, cut to the bone.

 

“Oh boy,” Bucky muttered.

 

Steve turned to the class. “I’m not a fucking Nazi,” he said coldly. “Who the fuck came up with that one?”

 

“The alt-right,” Bucky said.

 

Steve scoffed. “Listen up, motherfuckers,” Steve said, as if using the f-word three times in a row hadn’t already gotten the undivided attention of the class. “I’m a queer, previously disabled, socialist-leaning guy with a Jewish partner. I’m not a fucking Nazi.”

 

A student raised their hand, but Steve wasn’t done.

 

“And I’d like to take a minute to tell you not to trust the alt-right with a damn paperclip. I don’t—I don’t _care_ if you’re a Democrat or a Republican,” and it clearly pained Steve to say that, “but those guys are _fucking Nazis_.”

 

“Thank you for that, Steve,” Bucky said dryly. “Miss Jones?”

 

“Nobody actually believes that one,” she said. “Sorry.”

 

“Nobody here, maybe. But we live in a different world. A pretty liberal bubble, as the last election indicates.” Groans resounded throughout the room. “Alright, alright, let’s get back on topic to conspiracy theory number four.”

 

“How many are there?” Steve asked, bewildered, still a little bit worked up over the Nazi allegation.

 

“Six,” Bucky said, then turned back to his class. “Steve Rogers is a communist spy.”

 

Steve laughed. “Do I need to tone down the pro-socialism agenda?” he asked. “I wasn’t even around for the USSR. I missed literally _all_ of that.”

 

“If you’re socialist, does that mean you supported Bernie?” a student asked.

 

“I voted for him in the primaries,” Steve said with a shrug. “I voted for Hilary in the general election. I’m not incapable of compromise.” Bucky knew he was still upset about the Bernie or Bust movement, although Bucky wasn’t sure if their votes could have saved them.

 

After a few more questions about the particulars of Steve’s socialist-leaning opinions, Bucky moved on to conspiracy theory number five. “Steve Rogers isn’t actually a strategist. He’s just a figure head.”

 

“I mean, I had _help_ ,” Steve said, kind of embarrassed.

 

“But were you the main force of the battle plans?”

 

Steve cocked his head to the side with a lopsided smile. “Yes. And none of the other Avengers are soldiers besides Sam and Thor, so they’re really the only ones who help me with battle plans here.”

 

“What was the inspiration for the tactics used in Tokyo last summer?”

 

“Honestly? The infrastructure. You have to really base your tactics on your surroundings. You can’t win anything if you don’t move as if they’re a part of your plan.”

 

“Is that why you used the cars in the Battle of New York?”

 

“Absolutely,” Steve said.

 

“Great,” Bucky said. “Last conspiracy theory of the day: Captain America never actually fought in World War II.”

 

“Um,” Steve said wryly. “I very much did.”

 

“You got proof?” a particularly bold student in the front row asked.

 

“I can list battles and plans, but I get the feeling that wouldn’t convince you,” Steve said dryly. He unbuttoned the first four buttons of his shirt and pointed at the scar tissue of some kind of crazy electrical shock. Bucky remembered running his mouth over it. “This is what the static from a blast of one of those Tesseract guns looks like. Of course, I was never hit directly, but the radius of the blow is enough to scar even a supersoldier.”

 

“Damn,” the student whistled.

 

Steve buttoned his shirt back up, grinning smugly because he was _terrible_. His eyes flicked to Bucky, and he arched a suggestive eyebrow.

 

Bucky cleared his throat. “Any more questions about conspiracy theories for our lovely guest speaker?”

 

Steve was asked if he was a clone or if he’d touched the Tesseract or if he could lift Thor’s hammer, and Steve answered all questions with practiced ease, and Bucky thought he was _so damn lucky_.

 

After class, Steve and Bucky each were approached by a few students for extra questions, and as they cleared out, Bucky leaned against Steve’s side.

 

“What?” Steve asked, slipping his hand into one of Bucky’s back pockets.

 

“You’re so telling me about those thawing stories later.”

 

Steve sighed. “Fine,” he said resignedly.

 

Bucky dropped his head onto Steve’s shoulder. “I’d love you even if you _were_ a communist spy,” Bucky declared.

 

Steve laughed, and the sound rumbled through his chest. “I’d love _you_ even if you were secretly a clone.”

 

“Oh, yeah? I’d love you even if you weren’t a genius.”

 

“Aww,” Steve said. He pressed a kiss to the top of Bucky’s head. “Hashtag couple’s goals.”

 

Bucky had to brace himself against his podium to stop from collapsing from laughter.


End file.
